The Talk

Leia stood with both hands firmly planted on her lower back, looked Luke in the eye, and said, “I’m afraid it’s time we had ‘The Talk’.”

Luke could hear the capital letters, but he couldn’t quite believe them. “The Talk? Leia I’m a grown man and I understand exactly how that baby got in there,” he said gesturing to her protruding abdomen. “I may not talk about my private life, but I assure you I do have one.”

Leia very much doubted that. If Luke had dallied with a woman the word of it would have spread like wildfire. As the only living Jedi, Luke was quite the celebrity. Rather than chase that argument down the rabbit hole, Leia put the thought aside and tried again. She removed one hand from her aching back and placed it on the belly in question.

“This baby is not enough. We can’t just rely on me to make one Jedi at a time.”

Luke’s eyes goggled, and his mouth flapped open. This unflattering look continued for some time.

Eventually Luke managed to stutter out, “Well don’t look at me! It’s not like I can make one at all!”

Leia just sighed and shook her head at him as if he were a particularly slow student. Luke hated that and she knew it, but there were times when Leia thought he deserved to feel the weight of her disappointment. Now was such a time. As if talking to a complete imbecile, Leia spoke slowly with emphasis on enunciation.

“You. Can. Make. Thousands.”

“What?!” gasped Luke. “Are you out of your mind? Cloning never leads to anything good. We both know that all too well.”

“That is not what I am suggesting,” Leia sighed. “How can you be so dense? Did the Tatooine sun fry your brains when you were young?”

Luke threw both his hands up in frustration. “Then what ARE you suggesting? Just spit it out!”

“I want you to make regular deposits into a sperm bank,” Leia said in the exact tone one might use for something reasonable such as ‘I want you to wash the dishes.’

Except this wasn’t reasonable. Not at all. Did she really think THOUSANDS of women were going to sign up to carry his children? Children that he would never know? So many children that any time he saw a child he would wonder if it was HIS child? Insane. Impossible.

“No,” said Luke firmly. “No way.”

Leia crossed her arms and skewered him with a glare.

“How long do you think the Republic will stand without replenishing the Jedi?” she demanded.

Luke was having none of it.

“Even if, IF, I agreed to this scheme of yours these babies would not be fully trained Jedi for at least twenty years. If the Republic survives that long without them, then it doesn’t really need them.”

“It will take the Republic’s enemies at least that long to regroup and build out a fleet,” she countered.

The door clicked, and the siblings turned at the sound. Han poked his head into the small crack he’d opened.

“How’s The Talk coming?” he asked.

“Your wife is insane,” said Luke. “You know that, right?”

Han gave his brother-in-law a lopsided smile.

“What was your first clue?”

“Perhaps that I married you?” snapped Leia.

Han rolled his eyes and said, “Take my advice Luke, just do what she wants. You don’t actually want to be around when a hormone-soaked woman is carrying your child.”

At last on the same page, brother and sister shouted in unison, “Get out!”